best friends forever LOL

I'd like to not always feel so
guilty
as if I actually committed a crime.
When we talk,
you tell me
that I have nothing to worry about,
and instead
you blame yourself.
There is no reason
you should ever blame
yourself.
You're not the person
who started this whole mess.
Do not defend her.
Do not defend me.

goddamn it.
i told myself i wouldn't ever, ever fall again, that i would never have those feelings brought up again.
i am so stupid.

it's a little too easy
to deceive people
into thinking that
i'm okay
because i am not
okay
i don't think
i ever will be.

i'm feeling very
numb
as if
i have no emotions
i am not happy
i am not sad
nor am i angry
i am not anything
i'm not even scared
because i don't know
if i should worry about this
or not
i just don't know

i was too selfish to realize how little harm you actually do.
i'm sorry.

i really want a girlfriend.