Wow.

I am in complete obsessive love with him. (Generic teenage girl post, I know.)
Just...I don't know.
I try to repress it but I can't. I knew that as I was falling harder and harder, that I could never be with him. (For various reasons, not because I'm insecure about it.)
I've accepted that, I really have. I just don't want to love him this much anymore, and I hate it.
I always think that one day, he won't want to be friends with me anymore. That thought absolutely terrifies me.
It's not fair.
This girl I knew got to date him, win his heart over, but then she smashed it. She completely ruined it all, with somebody who I can call perfect.
That's when I knew it, that I loved him, because that night he was fucking crying to me and my heart shattered. I wanted nothing more than to hold him and for him to let it all out but I couldn't. After that, whenever somebody upsets him, I get so worked up that I physically want to hurt the person responsible for his pain. I get so empathetic with him that it scares me sometimes. I wish I could show him how much I really do care about him. (He already knows I care a lot as a friend, he's told me more than anyone else really has. Well...duh.)
Oh, by the way, he lives in California.
I'm in Pennsylvania.
It's difficult making the friendship alone work.
I can't always be there for him and he can't always be here for me, but Goddamnit, I will make whatever we have last for as long as possible.